HAPPY

• Didn't get hit by a bus.
• Got a few VST plugins for when I can start working on music again.
• Had a few good ideas.
• Helped a friend with some computer issues.

NEUTRAL

• Slept, but didn't dream.
• Listened to music, but wasn't feeling it.
• Picked up camera, decided against using it.
• Thought about shaving, didn't.
• Started cleaning room, stopped.
• Drank a lot of water.
• Sat under the desk a while.
• Smoked.
• Listen to a song on repeat for 3 hours, didn't notice.

FUCK MY LIFE

• Got ditched on for three different plans.
• Felt bad about being upset over it.
• Got angry about various other things.
• Thought about the good times a little too much.
• Failed to get any resolution on the desktop problem
• Couldn't hold up a single conversation all day.
• Spent the first few hours of the day trying to convince myself to get up.
• Got stuck in an "all my fault loop", but it didn't last too long.
• Twisted my ankle.
• Don't have enough beer.
• Tried to convince myself to go shopping, and failed.
• Didn't do dishes, will get bitched at.
• Didn't do laundry, will get bitched at.
• Goddamn it.

I guess I've put this off long enough. The whole reason I'm doing this is for a friend, Meggy. I don't have much else to do with my days, and I don't have any reason to put it off anymore. Maybe it'll be cathartic.

My name is Ray. I think I'm a good person, though I don't know what to say about myself most times. I'm a musician, though I have no analog musical talent. I can write, I have ideas, and people seem like both, so I guess that makes me SOME kind of musician. Moreover, I like music. Of course, these days it's kinda like saying "I like oxygen." My taste is pretty broad, came up on a lot of different types of music. Every few years, I take a few months to find as much new music as I can, see what's changed. I apparently have good taste.

I have a lot of trouble understanding people. I understand problems and situations straightaway, but the people involved are a complete mystery to me. I can't grasp selfish justification, convenient half-truths, self-defeating cyclical thoughts. It's hard not to be jaded about people, sometimes. As many lies as I've seen told, and been told myself, you really end up wondering if people ever really serve anything but themselves by their actions.

I try not to be negative, though. These days, anyway. I like to think I've gotten a lot better about it. Situations that would've put me in complete hermit mode, unwilling to associate or deal with anything... they just kinda make me sad now, and eventually I move past it. Figure that's the way it oughta work.

I'm not in school, and I don't have a job at the moment, mostly because I can't see doing something I hate for a little pocket change. I know that work, even on the most basic level, is that-- work. It's hard, it's no fun, but it serves a purpose. I guess my problem is motivation. I'm deeply dissatisfied with my lot in life, but I've got a hard time pushing change, much as I want to. These last few years spent here have been the longest I've ever been in one spot. When I was young, we moved around more times than I can even remember. So, most of the "change" I want to push mostly consists of throwing most of my things away, packing the rest up, and heading west.

I can't think of anything else right now. I'm sure more about me will become clear through the next 49 posts. Even for someone who's known me so long.

An Explanation

So, my wonderful friend Meggy has been doing a 50 day meme. It looks pretty interesting, and she seems to really want me to do it. Also, chances are she'll be the only one seeing this. >_>

So, here goes!

DAY 1: Introduce yourself
DAY 2: Make a bulleted list of everything that happened in your day
DAY 3: Your favorite movie
DAY 4: A photo of you taken over ten years ago
DAY 5: A letter to your Crush
DAY 6: List of what you ate today
DAY 7: A YouTube video you find funny
Day 8: A photo of you taken recently
Day 9: List some of your favorite Tumblrs (Bloggers?)
Day 10: A letter to the person you hate most or caused you a lot of pain
Day 11: Share your favorite recipe
Day 12: We want to see your teeth today / Post a self-portrait
Day 13: Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 14: A song from your childhood
Day 15: A letter to someone you wish you could meet
Day 16: Provide pictures of 5 celebrity crushes
Day 17: A photo that makes you sad
Day 18: Set or share a goal
Day 19: Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 20: A letter to Someone that changed your life
Day 21: Your favorite television program
Day 22: A photo that makes you happy
Day 23 Share one of your current favorite tunes
Day 24 Time to face morph / http://morph.cs.st-andrews.ac.uk//Transformer/
Day 25: A letter to someone you judged by their first impression
Day 26: Favorite books
Day 27: A talent of yours
Day 28: Favorite Places to shop
Day 29: Provide the HEX code of your favorite color /http://www.febooti.com/products/iezoom/online-help/online-color-chart-picker.html
Day 30: A letter to the friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 31: Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 32: A photo you took
Day 33: What you’re craving right now
Day 34: Your favorite quote
Day 35: A letter to an ex
Day 36: Some hobbies of yours
Day 37: A song that you like to dance to
Day 38: A photo of your parent(s)
Day 39: Zodiac sign and do you think it fits your personality
Day 40: A letter to a deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 41: Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 42: Bad habit(s) you have
Day 43: A picture of your favorite place in the world
Day 44: Something that fascinates you and why
Day 45: A letter to yourself a year ago
Day 46: Photos of personal things in your life (pets, family, house, etc)
Day 47: Birthday wish list
Day 48: A photo of you right now
Day 49: Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 50: A letter to your reflection in the mirror.