Praised Be The Watchers

I guess I've put this off long enough. The whole reason I'm doing this is for a friend, Meggy. I don't have much else to do with my days, and I don't have any reason to put it off anymore. Maybe it'll be cathartic.

My name is Ray. I think I'm a good person, though I don't know what to say about myself most times. I'm a musician, though I have no analog musical talent. I can write, I have ideas, and people seem like both, so I guess that makes me SOME kind of musician. Moreover, I like music. Of course, these days it's kinda like saying "I like oxygen." My taste is pretty broad, came up on a lot of different types of music. Every few years, I take a few months to find as much new music as I can, see what's changed. I apparently have good taste.

I have a lot of trouble understanding people. I understand problems and situations straightaway, but the people involved are a complete mystery to me. I can't grasp selfish justification, convenient half-truths, self-defeating cyclical thoughts. It's hard not to be jaded about people, sometimes. As many lies as I've seen told, and been told myself, you really end up wondering if people ever really serve anything but themselves by their actions.

I try not to be negative, though. These days, anyway. I like to think I've gotten a lot better about it. Situations that would've put me in complete hermit mode, unwilling to associate or deal with anything... they just kinda make me sad now, and eventually I move past it. Figure that's the way it oughta work.

I'm not in school, and I don't have a job at the moment, mostly because I can't see doing something I hate for a little pocket change. I know that work, even on the most basic level, is that-- work. It's hard, it's no fun, but it serves a purpose. I guess my problem is motivation. I'm deeply dissatisfied with my lot in life, but I've got a hard time pushing change, much as I want to. These last few years spent here have been the longest I've ever been in one spot. When I was young, we moved around more times than I can even remember. So, most of the "change" I want to push mostly consists of throwing most of my things away, packing the rest up, and heading west.

I can't think of anything else right now. I'm sure more about me will become clear through the next 49 posts. Even for someone who's known me so long.